What Happened?

I have baby pictures of my children scattered throughout my house. I look at their pudgy cheeks, excited smiles, and tiny bodies and ask myself….what happened? Thank goodness I had a camera in their face every second and took hours of video because my memory of those days, that sometimes seemed endless, has faded into a blur of snapshots spanning sixteen and a half years.

Sitting at my dinner table are two young adults with their own ideas, dreams, and a sense of humor they obviously inherited from their father. I listen, look at their grown up faces and ask myself….what happened?

In my mailbox I find postcards from colleges across the United States, enticing my baby girl to join them. I hear a strange voice coming from my baby boy, one that is an octave lower. His upper lip is decorated with tiny black hairs and his body that was once glued to my hip now outweighs mine. What happened?

Change is here, it’s been lurking outside my window, whispering through the seasons and I can’t ignore it anymore. I fooled myself into believing my children would always be in the next room sleeping safe in their beds, forever.

There is an uneasiness that fills me from within. I know the day is coming when I will have to pack up the car and drive my first-born to her new home-hopefully not too far away. Empty nest….it’s more like empty heart.

There was a time when I stood behind my children with open arms and clenched teeth watching them wobble from the coffee table to the couch. It is in that same spirit that I must learn to let go, arms open, watching them follow their own path. They are not mine to control, but two souls wanting to experience life. Two people, whose faces I have watched change over the years, but the smile is still there and it is my hope that that same excited smile stays with them-forever.

For Arielle and Kai: My wish for you is to…

  • Believe in the goodness of people-always
  • Look for the open window
  • Follow your path
  • Know that there is more than what you see, hear and think
  • Make this world a better place
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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. collaborationconversation
    Apr 14, 2010 @ 12:16:12

    Wow, thanks for making me cry! Not that it is hard to do these days….I sent my first of 3 to college in Sept. Life has changed way too much and I hate it!! I worked so hard for the past 18 years to create rhythm and consistency just to watch it all fall apart. And I KNOW it is supposed to, but I hate it! If we did our job right, then they are supposed to leave us. I wish I was a little worse at my job! My son is 3 hours away in NYC having the most incredible experiences. And the night we dropped him off I cried myself to sleep. Walking past his empty bedroom door has gotten easier over the last few months, and he has come home. And believe it or not, when he’s been home for a few days, I am ready for him to go back to school because caring for 2 teens is much easier on me, than worrying about 3. Go figure! Good luck and thanks for opportunity to rant.

    Reply

  2. Eric Rausin
    Apr 15, 2010 @ 06:31:52

    You’re just afraid that when the kids are gone you’re going to be stuck with only me! Muwahahahahaha.

    Seriously though, you’ve always been a fantastic mother and I think this article illustrates why. I have always loved and admired your caring, kindness and compassion. I know the kids do as well. Keep it up, Wonderful!

    Reply

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The Picture Book Review

Picture book reviews, reviews of books with pictures, and pictures of books!

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